Love at A Time of War…

War is such an ugly condition of the human race. Whether, it’s The War on Terrorism or the war within ourselves; it brings together two opposing forces that will never win. War, no matter who’s fighting will never solve the problem if sacrifices must be made. One cannot become whole if a limb must be sacrificed. Wars are not won that way and the battle only exist to satisfy the egoic mind. The underlying truth to war is the explosion of unsatisfaction within ourselves and others. We will always lose as a race if the problems we address are the ones produced superficially. Manifestation starts within, our reality is within, our emotions, secrets, pain, distrust, unworthiness all lies within. We live in a world where pain and suffering is the norm which manifest into such horrific crimes, losses and heart breaks. love at a time of warSometimes it’s difficult to see what is true compassion and love, but at times one may get a glimpse or a moment when the chaos is at its worse. Beauty is everywhere and sometime the most beautiful moments happen when the unhappiness almost engulfs your Spirit. There is something so beautiful about being held when you were ready to give up or staring into the eyes of a stranger with such gratitude when moments before you thought all was loss. In order to heal, compassion must exist; it’s depended upon the survival of our hearts and achieving true enlightenment.

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Happy Steak and BJ Day!

steak and bj dayMarch 14th marks the annual Steak and BJ Day or the male version of Valentine’s Day. Personally, this is my favorite non-hallmark holiday because the expectation of this day is displayed in the title. Simplicity should be valued and showing your appreciation to a deserving man is what this day is all about! I implore women and men world wide to show your gratitude for that special person being apart of your life. The number one complaint I receive from men is their deep feelings of under appreciation from their female partners. Their lamentation stems from societies expectation for the proper accommodation of females need and wants.  Now, I agree with this statement because any female knows her need and wants should be accommodated in terms of a romantic relationship. However, sometimes I do believe that we drop the ball when it comes to making sure our partner is  just as satisfied as we are. It’s important to be mindful of the ebb and flow of any relationship. It takes two to create harmony between both parties. So it’s important to make every effort count to someone you trust is worth it. So let today be the day men open up your mouth and ladies open up your throat and let the love and appreciation just Flow!

Falling in Love

falling in loveEveryone wants to fall in love. It doesn’t matter who you are or how many times you’ve been “hurt”. As human we have this natural ability to desire connectedness to one another. We live interdependent of each other and we depend on other’s goods and services to survive. Our societies are built upon the labourers of men and women to keep everyone a float and that includes emotional involvement. Some people like to negate  the fact that we depend on one another to help with our emotional turmoil. The bad break-ups, the dysfunctional family, the fall outs of friends, etc.. How else are we able to process these emotional events and make them a part of our  life’s transition? We do that by opening up, trusting and embracing complete strangers. All the pain that one person caused can be/ is healed by another.  Anything we lack we naturally look to compensate by engaging in certain activities, meeting someone new, buying a pet, etc.. But we never stop needing one another. So, when it comes to falling in love it’s taking that want and that desire one step closer. Love is such an ambiguous term based upon one’s perception, social conditioning and life’s experiences. So one person’s version of falling in love may not look like another, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t real. However, the trick in understanding if a love is right is one that compliments you both internally and externally. What you feel in the inside must match what you see and both parties must agree. If a disconnect does occur, then you’ll always feel it first before you’ll see it. The reason why that happens is because when you fall in love you’re connected with that person on a cellular level. Some connections are better than others, but the connection is there all the same. This is why you can sometimes feel when something is off with your partner, or just know that their behavior is very auspicious even when you may not have any evidence to declare the truth in your suspicion. So trusting your instincts and feelings are everything. Plus, not being afraid to communicate and expunge your vulnerabilities is another.  So embrace the reality of love and exercise the freedom of being who you are and cherish their acceptance of just that.

“The Sex Sense”:(Hearing) National Sex Month

So I’m pairing the final “Sex Sense” with this month’s celebration of Sex. Our sense of hearing is something no one should take for granted because it’s indicative to our language and speech. When sound is processed in the language part of brain, it allows a person to comprehend what they heard. According to The Traumatic Brain Injury Survival Guide, each hemisphere of the temporal lobe is involved in different functions of hearing.  The left hemisphere is involved in language and comprehension and the right hemisphere is involved in the creative arts such as music and enables the distinctions between sounds. However, within the Temporal Lobe is the Auditory Cortex which is responsible for auditory discrimination and recognition of different patterns of sounds according to The American- Speech-Language-Hearing Association (ASHA). So when it comes to Sex and Hearing; the two goes hand in hand. Some women need to be romanced and acquire some level of comfort with their partner. A play on words can some times be an extreme turn on for both partners! Some men desire the attention as well; they would like to know “how you like it” and “how good it feels” to assure them that they’re doing the job well! So I implore you to let each Sex have it! give them what they desire and proclaim how wild and excited they make you feel. Exercise each Sense to magnify the passion, the excitement and the gratification of each sexual experience in celebration of National Sex Month!

Technique 1 The Poet of Sex

Compose an erotic poem, song, rap or choose whatever medium you’re best at and perform your piece in front of your partner naked. You can be as creative as you want because this is your demonstration, but be sure to bring each word to life; so that your partner will never doubt the words you say would be anything but untrue.

Technique 2 Pillow Talk No More!

This technique are for those of you who doesn’t say or hear anything other than each other breathing during sex. Moan! make some kind of sexy sounds during sexual intercourse. Turn yourself on by the noises that are being created out of pleasure! say Fuck!!, Holy Shit!!, Dam it!!, Oh My Fucking ****!!!! Switch it up if this is your normal dialogue and focus on the words that are being said. Feel the excitement, arousal and the passion of this sexual “fucking” session.

“The Sex Sense”: Week 4 (Smell)

OK now here we are again with another week of exciting “Sex-inques”. This week I will touch on our exciting sense of Smell. Our sense of smell is an important part of our senses because it allows us to determine different foods and dangerous items being either good or hazardous to our health. It is also the only one of our senses that are directly linked to memory.  Research has shown that smell is intimately linked to parts of the brain that process emotions. The olfactory bulb (turns sensation into perception), is part of the Limbic system, which is the part of the brain that controls behavior, emotions and memory. So when it comes to sex, the sense of smell is one that triggers anticipatory desire that can sometimes go unnoticed. When you’re attracted to a potential partner; one of the first things you notice is how that person smells. However, what you’re actually smelling is that person pheromones within the skin. According to Dr. Louann Brizendine, pheromones are social chemicals that human releases in the air from their skin and sweat glands. Pheromones changes the brain perceptions, emotions and manipulate the desire for sex. Now,  the sense of smell is also linked to our sense of taste. According to the Researchers of Taste Science LLC, what we actually perceive as to what we “taste” is actually the Flavor to what we speak. Flavor is the combination of taste, smell, texture, and temperature.  So when we eat, the taste buds reacts to the odor that’s released from the food, which in turn is how we are able to identify our food.  So, when it comes to this week techniques I want you to focus on your body’s response to smell. If a smell triggers a memory and induce an emotional response, stay in that moment, feel what is meant to be felt whether it’s good or bad. If a smell doesn’t trigger a memory then create a bond and a lasting experience with your senses. The exploration of your senses is all about finding more about yourself through the experience of the pleasures you keep!

Technique 1 Never Smell and Tell

This exercise can be performed with two or more people.  Different food items must be placed on one person either laying down head first or on their back. The other person must be blind fold and they have to smell each item and guess the correct food. If the person guesses wrong then I will leave the consequences up to you!

Technique 2 Guess the Fragrance

This exercise requires two people or more. One person must guess fragrance that the other person has put on. Now, the person who is wearing the fragrance cannot say what they have on even if the other person guesses right. Because the other person must match the fragrance with an emotion or a thought that both partners must agree upon.

“The Sex Sense”: Week 3 (Taste)

Alright, now it is time to calm down, focus and savor the crusted sensation of Taste. The sense of taste is one that can be very sensitive to some people. The taste of food, wine, beer, and other beverages are simple pleasures that many of us enjoy because it is easy to distinguish are likes from dislikes. It’s a necessity to savor the sweets and reject the sour or the bitter for some people based upon your preference of taste. According to Barbara Liang, author of Wisc-Online.com, we have about 10,000 taste buds, with each bud containing about 100 taste cells. The outer ends of the cells has microvilli, or taste hair, which are a  sensitive part of the taste cells. Chemicals received by the taste hair triggers the stimulation of the taste cells that send impulses on a nerve fiber that travels to the brain.

Our sense of taste are derived from our primary sensations of sweet, sour, salty and bitter. The responsiveness to each sensation are located on varies parts of the tongue. The response of sweets are usually more apparent at the tip of the tongue, sourness is more pronounced at the margins of the tongue, saltines is throughout the tongue and bitterness is at the end of the tongue. So when it comes to sex, some of us are not only aroused by the sight, sound, touch and smell of our partner, but the taste as well and it starts with a Kiss. According to Dr. Louann Brizendine, author of The Male Brain, a kiss is more than just a kiss; its a taste test.  The saliva hold molecules from all the glands and organs in the body, making a French kiss serve as our “Signature flavor.”French kissing collects and send information about each partner’s health and genes directly to the brain. If the genes are to similar, then the kiss would taste sour and could end up terminating or creating an unsatisfactory sexual experience. And if the genes are opposite, then the kiss would taste sweet or to your liking. Scientists have discovered that there are plenty of bio-active testosterone in men’s saliva. It is enough that may activate the sexual-arousal center in the female brain. So, when it comes to this week’s techniques, focus on the taste of your partner among other treats! Savor the flavor of everything or everyone your mouth touches and have fun rediscovering the sensations.

Technique 1 Sweet Marks The Spot!

This an exercise meant for two people or more. You would start out with each person writing down a food item (that is presently on hand) paired with a body part. Then, put each slip of paper is put in a bowl or container and each person take turns drawing each slip of paper out of the bowl and performing the activity on hand. When the food item is on the body part be sure to describe the taste and be amazed at the difference in taste of each person.

Technique 2 Pin The Mouth On The?

This is meant for three people or more. This exercise is structure and performed just like pin the tail on the donkey, but instead of using a donkey it will be a naked person and instead of using “the tail” you’ll use your mouth. But, where you will put your mouth is determined by the slips of paper that each member will put in a container with a different body part. The “donkey” will have different food items on the body part that corresponds to the slips of paper and the other person have find the body part and disclose which food item it contains.

Please keep the responses on each technique coming! I really appreciate everyone sharing their stories!

“The Sex Sense” Week 2 (Sight)

Now we are back with another exciting week of exploring the senses! This week we will discuss the elicited and provocative phenomena of sight. Many of us may agree that the eyes are an important feature of the human body. Not only is it the window to the soul, but it’s also the window to sexual gratification from a visual stimuli. Men and women interpret visual stimulation differently in terms of how they express themselves sexually. Men are more visual then females due to the large amount of testosterone they secrete and their primal instincts to mate with only physically attractive fertile females. So, when it comes to sexual excitement for most men; all they need is to be bombarded with visual stimuli from an attractive partner with hopes of sexual satisfaction. For most women, physical attractiveness is very important, but it’s not the primary motive for mating according to their primal instincts. According to Evolutionary Psychologist David Buss, women are less concerned with a potential husband’s visual appeal and more interested in his material resources and social status. However, when it comes to reading facial cues, body postures, breathing rates, gazes and hand gestures women are natural experts. Brain-imaging studies show that the mere act of observing or imitating another person in a particular emotional state can involuntarily activate similar brain patterns in the observer and- females are especially good at this kind of emotional mirroring. So when it comes to this week techniques, I want everyone to pay particular attention to your body’s response to the visual stimuli that you’re going to be exposed to. Pay attention to breathing rate, dilated pupils, heart rate, muscle spasms and anything else that catches your attention.  I need each of you to focus and be mindful of not only your present state of potential arousal, but  your partner’s as well.

Technique 1 Watch another couple have sex

Please this exercise requires the permission of all consensual adults! No Peeping Toms here! But the idea is to be in the presence of another couple having sex. This technique is meant to exercise the voyeurism inside and pay close attention to how you and your partner respond to such an arousing atmosphere.

Technique 2 Naked times together

This is a fun exercise! This can be performed by yourself or with a partner. However, if you’re with a partner you’re meant to be outdoors naked  taking turns touching and stroking each other bodies. But, before either of you get aroused, rate the sensation on a scale of 1-10. 1 being the “coldest” and 10 being the “hottest”. Now, be sure not to just touch the juicy spots but everywhere else as well. This is a good exercise in watching each person’s response to physical stimuli and really learning and understanding “what turns your partner on!”

       

Technique 3 Strip basketball

Now this is a fun teaser! In celebration of the summer time play strip basketball with your partner. This is a fun exercise to bond and feel comfortable being in your own skin. I highly recommend group strip basketball as well! Enjoy this week!!

“The Sex Sense”: Week 1 (Touch)

Now, as I said in my earlier post each week I will highlight one of our five senses. This week is our sense of Touch. Our sense of touch produces a very powerful physiological response that starts the acceleration of The Sexual Response Cycle. It is the catalyst that’s the driving force behind male and female sexual arousal. Many Sex Therapist have declared that foreplay for a female is Everything! Unfortunately, it doesn’t take long for a man to be aroused they come ready, willing and able! However, for many women touching , kissing, caressing, whispering of soft words, and calm music performed all in a safe and sound environment is a necessity. This is the right combination that is needed for most women to have a positive sexual experience. For many men, touching and caressing is just as important because in order for men to excrete twice as much Oxytocin (the bonding hormone), they must be touched and caressed twice as much. Therefore, the power of touch is one of excitement in anticipatory pleasure for the one who’s being touched and for the one who is doing all the touching. I am introducing three techniques that I want you to try. Some or maybe all the techniques I will mention; many of you have probably already experienced. I implore you to try again, but with the intent of meditating and  focusing on your sense of Touch.

Technique 1 Blindfolded while in the shower! 

This technique is geared for two people performing this exercise together. However, this can still be practiced by a single person as well. Each partner takes turn washing the other while one is blind folded. This is very intense exercise so I would only recommend performing this technique with someone you are very comfortable with.

Technique 2 Caressed by a feather!

This technique is also geared for two people, but can still be performed by a single person. One partner will lay down on their back while the other partner takes a feather and caresses it all over the body. Being blindfolded is optional.

Technique 3  Erotic Massage

This technique is for two people. One partner lays down, face first, on their stomach while the other partner massages their entire body. The style of the massage does not matter, but both couples must be completely naked. The oils that are used does not matter and being blindfolded is optional.

“The Sex Sense”

First, let me begin this entry with an apology for my long awaited absence. I anticipate August being a hot and steamy month for what I have in store! and I’m going to top it off with my coined topic of “The Sex Sense.” Now in celebration leading up to The National Sex Month in September, better known as “Sextember,” I would like to introduce different techniques to extrapolate all five senses. The purpose of these techniques are to get  a workout of your senses in preparation in the following month ahead. It is the act of being more present and mindful in conjunction with sexual activity, as well as discovering a new level of intimacy and eroticism with yourself and the person or people you decide to share it with. Each week I will introduce a different technique accompanied with a different sense that I want you to focus on. What I am introducing is a form of meditation that I want you to harmonize your energies toward. Just as some Buddhist concentrate on the breath as their source in intensifying their practice; so too you will utilize each technique in order to intensify the sensitivity to each new experience that lies a head.

Sexual Bonding Practice

Now in honor of my birthday month; I would like to introduce my favorite Bonding exercise. This exercise comes from Kerry and Diane Riley in their book Tantric Secrets For Men :What Every Woman Will Want Her Man To Know About Enhancing Sexual Ecstasy. Though they focus on the relationship between a man and a woman, I encourage members of all sexual orientations to employ the technique in their relationship,  whenever necessary. The purpose of this practice is to create harmony when both partners are fighting. Lets face it, some of us have a tendency to antagonize a situation and create more disharmony out of anger. This practice calls us back to consciousness with the realization that the love and trust is always there. It’s the clarity that goes beyond Ego, self doubt, pity, guilt, shame and anger. It’s a way to ensure that the love that is embedded in both partners will never turn to hate; unless they choose.  According to Kerry and Diane, it’s best that both partners agree to perform this exercise when one calls upon the other to do so. It does not matter the situation, both partners must give their WORD. If not, then you threaten the union of trust in your relationship. I understand that some arguments can be fierce and even debilitating at times, where you cannot fathom touching your partner. When the intensity is that high take a ten minute break and take a walk around the block, go run, take shower or whatever you need to do in order to calm down. However, it is imperative that you come back! and perform this exercise with your mate. Let them understand that no matter what ” I still love you.”

The Bonding Practice

Step 1

According to Kerry and Diane, you must first start in the nurturing position. (As shown above) The male must lie on his back as his partner lies besides him and put their hand on his chest. The male must place his right arm around his partner in a nurturing manner. Your partner places their right hand over the male’s heart and the male places his left hand on top of his partners. The male must bend his right knee and place it between his partner’s legs, touching their genital region. His partner’s right leg must bend over the male’s leg so their knee touches the male’s genital region. “This connects the heart center, where you can open to give and receive love again, with the sexual center, which, for a man, tends to open more to wanting intimacy. For her, being held in the nurturing position tends to open her heart center, and touching her sexual center with your leg reverses her normal reactive behavior to close down sex to you in times of conflict” (pg.63).  At this point, one or both of you may be resisting. But both of you have made an agreement to diffuse the situation and create harmony through the awareness of letting go. Concentrate on the breathe, become one and be still. Listening to relaxing music can sometimes help.

Step 2

“Now work with the breath to let go of any tension. If you are very upset you will find that you will be tensing your body and holding your breath, or you will feel your partner doing this. The secret is to reverse the process of shutting down to one of opening up. Breathe in with a long, deep breath through the nose and then sigh as you breathe out through the mouth- Aah! Repeat this at least ten times, coordinating your breaths if you can; otherwise make sure you are both doing deep breathing. Never allow just one of you to be doing it; both of you must participate” (pg.64). Once you breathe out, make sure to let go of any resentment or the need to be right. Let go of all tension in the body, especially in the jaw, neck and shoulders. “As you continue with the breathing allow your mind to quiet, allow the inner chatter about about the argument to be dismissed. Take your awareness instead to the contact points between your physical bodies, especially your heart centers. Focusing on the breath, consciously release all tension and argumentative thoughts until your body and mind are completely relaxed” (pg.64).  The requesting partner centers on the heart being open-feeling love, caring, compassion and forgiveness. Aid these qualities into your heart as a sentiment or visualization, whichever works best for you. “Feel the warmth of your partner’s hand on your heart center. Now focus on nurturing your partner like a child who has been hurt. Think of this as healing her inner child. Focus on that part of her that you really love beyond the part that has upset you” (pg.64). Your partner focuses on being nurtured and cared for and then brings their attention to their hand on the male’s heart, opening each partner to more love again. If the moment feels right, your partner can move their hand to the male’s genital region holding this area for a few minutes while the active partner keeps his/her hand other partner’s  heart. This fosters the reemergence of stifled sexuality through the harmonization of reconnecting emotions. Now the partners must switch roles, remembering to reposition themselves comfortably before beginning. Be sure that each partner remains in either role for at least 5 minutes to obtain the desired results.

Step 3

Now that step two has been sufficiently completed, the partners can come face to face and hold one another as they naturally would. While holding each other hands are in natural positions, neither partner needs to have their hand on a heart or genital. Remain silent, keeping focus on breathing and releasing thoughts. Let the relaxation continue to calm and comfort you. Each partner then looks lovingly and deeply into each others eyes, transcending you both into your greater selves. On this level of self  worrying about how to make your partner different is no longer a priority because showing them your love is at the forefront. It is imperative that the partners retain eye contact and focus on viewing their partner as someone who is loving and in need of love. It is through this deep, yet gentle eye contact that healing occurs. You are becoming practitioners of each others hearts and minds through demonstrating “compassion, care, and concern.” Remembering to breathe retain this position for a couple of minutes or when the mood permits, one of you says, “I am sorry we were fighting. I love you.” the remaining partner “listens, breathes in, and internally accepts this. Then he/she says, I’m sorry to, and I love you.”  then you embrace one another passionately and seal it with a kiss. It is crucial that both partners refrain from saying ” I forgive you, but next time…” or anything remotely similar, as it would make the entire bonding process null and void. The best thing to do after the verbal exchange is hugging and kissing, taking a walk, or going out for a treat. The issue can be revisited the next day or at least several hours later because trying to handle it directly after bonding while each partner is vulnerable and trusting, could damage the relationship.