Disconnection During Sex

One of the reasons why I’m such a strong advocate for healthy sexual practices is because it create a strong bond or connection between both partners. When you choose to be sexually intimate with someone; you are choosing to surrender some of your barriers and acknowledge your vulnerability to that person. Now the reason why only some of your barriers are being surrendered is because you are choosing to trust that person with your life (i.e STIs, unwanted pregnancies, assaults, etc).  It does not matter how well or how little you know that person the initial process is always the same when you choose to trust. Now the beautiful thing about sex is ability to feel your partner’s energy field. Now the energy field implies the vibration frequency of your current state of mind or emotion. Every living and non-living thing has a vibration frequency attached to it. This is why we are able to empathizes with one another as well as sense positive or negative energy when we associate ourselves among a crowd. Therefore, the energy field that you can sense is your partner’s current emotion.

Part of what of makes good sex are both energy fields connecting and bonding with one another.The energy fields are vibrating at the same frequency, which mean both partners are on the same page on what they want or what they are looking for at that current moment. So, whether it be “we’re just fucking” or “we’re just making love” both partners are communicating effectively in their relationship pertaining to what they want. Therefore, sex can merely be just a reflection of your current communication skills in the relationship. Now a disconnect occurs when both partners are not on the same page. Whether it’s one person choosing to open up their heart and the other person is choosing to hold back or one person just wants to fuck while the other person is trying to make love, or etc. You can feel that disconnect or awkwardness that takes over the moment. Now some people choose to ignore it and others choose to acknowledge it, but they don’t understand how to articulate what it is that they’re feeling. So what happens ? Well, we create an illusion of how we want to feel. We create a person that doesn’t exist because we want to hide our pain and suffer less by attaching to the one thing that feels good: Sex.

Therefore, communication is key! If something doesn’t feel right say something! I guarantee your partner feels the same way it’s all about who will be brave enough to say the first word!

Ego: The Best, My One and Only

Now this particular topic is a favorite of mine because I struggle with recognizing the cue’s of the Ego coming out in both my male and female counterparts. Now as everyone may know that the Ego is more widely associated with men, but women have pretty strong Ego’s as well. Now, some of you may wonder exactly what is the Ego? Well, in a relationship sense men and women want to feel like they are THE BEST and your ONE and ONLY.  Now looking at that statement logically does anyone see a problem with this?? Well, I do! First of all, it’s really hard to nearly impossible to have every sexual encounter be THE BEST and they are  7 billion people that inhabits the Earth. Some of whom you may call yours friends, work buddies, associates, secret admires, etc. So there’s no way one person can be your ONE and Only.

We all depend on one another for the good and services that we provide to ensure our survival for the next generation. We need other people to help us during break ups, deaths, assaults, thefts, etc. We also need people to celebrate and cheer with us for weddings, wanted pregnancies, job promotions, buying a new house, etc. During these tragic and invite-full events we get close, we fall apart, we become enemies, we fall in love. Who really is to blame for being human and having emotions that ties us together and build us up. Therefore, your Ego is nothing more, but an illusion of the Self and how you want and think you are view by others. Your Ego creates an impairment of reality because when you view the world you see your past, you see how others have treated you, you see the small part you play in this world and you see a lack of instead of what is.

Embracing authentic love is very difficult to do when you have a very active Ego. Your Ego fears realness and true compassion because it feels that your going to disappear and not be special anymore. It feels that without it you will be lost and have no identity and no one will care… But that’s not true because when you are around those special people or that special person you catch a glimpse of true reality when you can only see just them…

No thoughts, no beliefs, no perceptions, just embracing the energy that’s surrounding the atmosphere and that’s when you feel the window to your inner Essence.

Performance Coitus?

I know I sound very weird for saying this, but ejaculation during sex is so over rated! Now before you decide to stop reading this Please Listen and Hear Me Out! Society and the American culture puts so much emphasizes on  men to perform that they lose out on the beauty of just being in the moment. I mean actually focusing their awareness on the breath, the smell, taking in the atmosphere, feeling how good he/she feels to you at that particular moment. Understanding that there is no one else in this world that matter right now, but your partner. It’s important to feel the connection that is established at that moment of impact. Imprint his/her smell, touch, body, aroma, sight, taste and sound and I guarantee whether you ejaculate or not it will go unnoticed…


Men are taught to rigidly conform to cultural myths and have lots of guilt and negative feelings if they don’t hold up their end, especially if their  sexual needs differ from the culturally accepted norms. If they have difficulty in achieving the standards of maleness they are told to remain silent and bear the load. The limits imposed by these standards inhibit men from exploring and fulfilling the total range of sexual options.

Some men have difficulties just learning how to receive because they are so use to performing just to get  results. There is a growing awareness in our culture today that men are seeking to discover their uniqueness as being male. We are beginning to see both men and women redefining their relationship, each to the other. This will require a lot of healing of wounds inflicted by self on self and on the other. So here are some FUN SUGGESTIONS!!! to increase your options and enjoy being in the moment!

1. Receive strokes. Explain to your partner how you want to be touched.

2. Share feelings. Ask your partner to share with you.

3. Masturbate freely; be your own lover at least once a week.

4. Have sex only when YOU want it.

5. Seek the kinds of sexual experiences you want.

6. Learn how to play with your sexual response cycle. Imagine how you would like something you’ve never tried.

7. Learn to say YES.

8. Learn to say NO.

9. Talk about sex with your partner.

10. Pamper yourself.

11. Touch yourself all over.

12. Take a long hot bath for pleasure after you shower for cleanliness.

13. Stroke your body with velvet, feathers, leather, anything you wish.

14. Touch your partner’s body for your own pleasure.

15. Have a sexual experience with your partner without having sex.

16. Lick.

17. Breath.

18. Look at your body, all over, in the mirror.

19. Look at your partner’s body.



Let me know how it goes!!

Please let me know if any of these suggestions worked for you!

Mastubation Exercise

Majority of those who masturbate are pretty routine on their form and methods for getting off. So, maybe it’s time to switch it up a bit! The more we learn to vary the stimuli, the more possibilities are open to us to increase our pleasure. During this exercise try to find at least ONE new way to masturbate enjoyably. Experiment with many of the following suggestions as you can during your daily hour. Now the GOAL is to create a new sensation, but not to orgasm! If you orgasm, fine, but it’s okay if the new experience doesn’t cause an orgasm. The purpose of this exercise is to make yourself aware of the different atmospheres, situations and objects that proved to be pleasurable. It’s about knowing and understanding yourself more as a sexual being and becoming mindful of the other stimuli that can arouse the beast inside!  Who’s up for the challenge???!

1. Try a different place; a different room, outside in a private location, a rocking chair, the shower, the floor, etc.

2 Make at least one change in the environment of your space: lights lower, lights higher, colored lights, different music, different scents, a mirror, a picture.

3. Change the time of day: morning, during the day, after lunch, before a date, before an important meeting or test.

4. Change from the hand you usually use, use both hands.

5. Change body positions. Try sitting, standing, kneeling, legs apart, legs together, on your stomach, on your back, on your side, with your buttocks propped up on a pillow, sitting in the lotus position.

6. Change to a different fantasy, if you have fantasies.

7. Experiment with other things besides your hands and fingers: vibrator, running water, a piece of fur, a silk scarf, leather, a feather, textured objects.

8. Try a different kind of lubrication, oil, creme, saliva, etc.



Now if anyone has any other questions or other techniques and topics you want me to talk about don’t hesitate and just ask!!!

Soma Touch

Masturbation is self-stimulation for sexual pleasure. Every part of the body can be stimulated, but usually the focus is on the genitals. Masturbation usually, but not always leads to orgasm. Now, there are no “right ways” or “wrong ways” to masturbate! Masturbation is not limited to genital jacking or jilling off, but can include the whole body. Some people find ways to masturbate and orgasm without fondling their genitals manually such as:

1. Squeezing the legs together.

2 Kegel exercises

3 Rubbing the pelvis against a pillow, bed, or the floor while on their stomach.

4 Running a stream of water over the genitals

5 Fantasizing

6. Caressing other places on the body: ears, nipples, thighs, etc.

7. Wearing tight pants, riding motorcycles, bicycles, or horses. Use your imagination!


According to the Kinsey Study, 90% of men interviewed masturbated to orgasm in four minutes or less. 40% of women interviewed masturbated. 70% of these women reached orgasm in 3 to 5 minutes.