Bisexuality: Either all or Nothing (Part 2)

I have received a lot of conflicting feedback from Part 1 of this article. Apparently, I have struck a nerve with this thought provoking information. As an educator I am thrilled to know that everyone is taking there stand on this topic, while still being open minded enough to hear what I have to say. However, I do not believe I have effectively clarified the point of view of was trying to make. Some viewers thought I was trying to make my opinion on the Nature vs Nurture aspect of our sexual orientation. Advocating that our orientations are merely shaped by our social conditioning and inherited culture. On the contrary, in fact, the Nature vs Nurture debate was not on the forefront of this topic, but it does hold a lot of president over how we see the world through our eyes. However, the point of view of was making is simply this: What if the majority of people living in this world are naturally bisexual? Now the reason why I pose such a bold question and interesting point of view is going back to the Kinsey Study ( known as The Kinsey Scale) I illustrated in Part 1.

Remember, according to the statistic only 8% of males are exclusively homosexual and only 4% of males in this country are exclusively homosexual throughout their lives. That means the majority of men encountered both incidental and more than incidental homosexual situations and vice versa. Now the same can be said about females as well. According to Researchers, lesbians only make up roughly 10% of the female population.  Now think about this, have you ever noticed when some people reveal their anecdotal experience of how they became aware of their homosexual nature they nearly always started out in a heterosexual relationship? Now with some people the only thing that tipped the scale was encountering an individual that induced the feeling of wholeness and oneness within themselves and each other that they never experienced with their heterosexual mates. Bottom line is biologically, the majority of us are prone to being attracted to the same and/or opposite sex, but it’s the connections we make, the feelings we induce and the love that we share that can reshape a person’s sexuality.

The Kinsey Scale

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Bisexuality: Either all or Nothing (Part 1)

This subject matter is very controversial in the eyes of those who struggles with how they would correctly identify their sexual orientation. Heterosexual and homosexual orientations are clearly defined once they have been properly identified and accepted by each individual. However, when it comes to bisexuality the lines are very grey and still taboo to how one can come to the conclusion that they are bisexual. Now whether you are hetero, homo or bi it is defined as either male or female having interpersonal interest (with their male/and or female counterparts) emotionally, psychologically, socially and sexually, whether or not these interests are expressed overtly. Now for the longest people have picked apart this definition in order to degrade, punish, manipulate, exploit and confusion who they really as a sexual being. Many people have beliefs that if an individual has any type of attraction to some one of the same sex they are classified as homosexual/ and or bi. Now clearly from that definition alone there must be more clarification in order to identify.

According to Alfred Kinsey, in his book Sexual Behavior in the Human Male, found that 37% of American males have at least one homosexual experience to orgasm after the age of puberty, while another 13% have homosexual urges, but do not act on them. Now that adds up to 50%. The Kinsey statistics have also indicated that, in any given 3 year period, 30% of the males in this country have incidental homosexual experience, 25% have more than incidental homosexual experience, 18% have as much homosexual as heterosexual experience, 10% are more or less exclusively homosexual, and 8% are exclusively homosexual. 4% of the men in this country, their findings showed, are exclusively homosexual throughout their lives. These statistics alone show the struggles we deal with in order to find out who we are due to social conditioning of the American culture. However, these statistics also brings up another controversial idea that have been suggested and speculated by many of the earliest Sexologist, which is the idea that we are all naturally bisexual. Many of the earliest Sexologist believe that if we were not afraid of our own bodies and other people’s bodies, and not intimidated by our prior conditioning, we would all be naturally bisexual. This is why it is easy to imagine some people choosing to be homosexual and some choosing to be heterosexual on the basis of individual preference developed through experience rather than through conditioning. Think about it. We naturally have relationships with both males and females on any given day.  We exchange emotional, psychological and social explorations with all of our friends and natural day to day interactions with other people. The only difference being those who we are sexually attracted to, but we are constantly exchanging thoughts and emotions with everyone who we have a connection with. Therefore, bisexuality is really an expression of one’s true nature and one’s connection with other people. Bisexuals are attracted to “people” not necessarily to penises or clitorises; their style of life implies that people can love and enjoy other people without owning and imprisoning them.

National Celebration of Self-Love: Kegel Exercise

Now for those of you who do not know May is National Masturbation Month. So in honor of Masturbation May, I am going to explain the use and purpose of Kegel exercises as well as how to properly practice each technique. Kegel exercises are designed to strengthen and give you voluntary control over a muscle called the Pubococcygeus (pew-bo-kak-se-gee-us), or PC muscle. This is the major muscle for male and female orgasm contraction. The PC muscle stretches from the base of the spine, where it connects to the tailbone, to the front of the body, where it connects to the pubic bone. Exercising the PC muscle can help you increase your awareness of feelings in your genital area, Increase blood circulation in your genital area, increase your sexual responsiveness, help restore vaginal muscle tone following childbirth, and increase your control over your orgasm. According to Kerry and Diane Riley authors of Tantric Secrets For Men:What Every Woman Will Want Her Man To Know About Enhancing Sexual Ecstasy, for men exercising the PC muscle becomes extremely important because it strengthen the erection and increases the sensation of the climax, which is imperative the older men become. In order to locate the PC muscle, when it is time to urinate, try to start and stop the flow of urine with your legs apart (without moving your legs together). The PC muscle is what stops the flow. Now if you don’t get it the first time, try again the next time you need to urinate; don’t give up! Men can stand.

PC-muscle-in-man-and-woman

The Techniques:

Slow Kegels

Tighten the PC muscle (like how you stopped the flow of urine) for a slow count of 3. Then relax the muscle.

Quick Kegels

Tighten and release as quickly as you can. It will feel like a flutter. You will gradually gain more control.

Pull in/ Pull out

Pull up your entire pelvic area as if you’re trying to suck up water into your genitals. Then push out or bear down as if your trying to push the imaginary water out. (This technique will use several “stomach” or “abdominal” muscles as well as your PC muscle).

Repetitions

At first do 10 of these exercises (1 set), 3 times a day (3 exercises x 10 times x 3 times times a day = 90 total exercises to start.)

Each week add 5 more times to each exercise. Example: Week 2-3 sets x 15 times x 3 times a day; Week 3-3 sets x 20 times x 3 times a day; Week 4-3 sets x 25 times x 3 times a day.

ENJOY!!!!

Faking Orgasms

Why do men and women fake orgasms? Now that is a trivial question pointing to two rival factors: social and biological.There are many societal acceptance that associates women being the “culprit ” for faking orgasms and society says: “that’s OK!” Many men and women share common excuses for faking orgasms such as:

  • Only mature women do this in order to keep their man.
  • We didn’t want our partners to know we didn’t reach orgasm, for the sake of protecting his/her and our own ego.
  •  We were not quite sure what an orgasm was.

Now there are many many more excuses we give in order to justify our inability to reach full sexual satisfaction, but some fail to realize that they’re biological factors at play as well. Men and women’s cognitive structures are very different because of the  amount neuron-hormones they secrete. Women, in general, have a more sensitive route in achieving sexual satisfaction. According to Louann Brizendine M.D. the author of The Female Brain, in order for a woman to be sexually excited her amygdala (area of the brain that controls anger, anxiety and fear)  must be deactivated. In other words, a woman must feel comfortable, safe and relaxed before her physiological responses will let her become sexually excited. The amygdala can be reactivated at anytime  during sexual activity. Any type of disruption can really caught off a woman’s chance in reaching an orgasm. Whether it be the baby’s crying, the mood is off, your partner’s moans is a turn off, your teenage decided to come home early, etc. Anything or anyone can become your orgasm’s worst enemy and your worst nightmare!

Now for the men,  men are very visual creatures. Men’s arousal are activated due to their primal instincts of female attractiveness. According to John Townsend the author of What Women Want-What Men Want:Why the Sexes Still See Love and Commitment So Differently, unconsciously men associates wide hips, clear skin, shiny hair, and firm breast as signs of fertility.  Therefore, men’s primary turn on is with the female body or  the male body they are attracted to. Now I have seen such cases when men are deceived due to women’s style of clothing. Nowadays you can add or take away whatever part of your body that needs adjustment. But sometimes this can put men in really compatible situations where they are left feeling disgusted with themselves because they weren’t attracted to the” woman’s actual body.” Now when this happens, your brain is telling you that your partner would not be a  good candidate for procreation.  However, still they’re many different variables that can further explain why you cannot achieve an orgasm. Faking it will only get you but so far until you become utterly pissed and annoyed with your partner’s very existence! But I digress…. The important message here is to communicate, experiment and know your body’s physiological responses so you can better understand yourself as a sexual being.